A Common Core Fable

My wife was an elementary school math teacher before her retirement, and deplored the aberration that is Common Core arithmetic. I decided to poke some well-deserved fun at it.

The New York Times reports that President Obama has just appointed a blue-ribbon panel of musicians – headed by internationally renowned fantasy author Douglas Adams – to straighten out the Common Core Math mess. Of course, some of them are dead, but as Yellowbeard the Pirate once famously almost said “They’re more dangerous when they’re dead. I mean, look at Karl Marx . . .”

The panel includes Jimi Hendrix, Robert Lamm of Chicago, Alice Cooper and bluesman Chester Burnett (an administration official said on condition of anonymity: “Burnett’s stage name, ‘Howling Wolf,’ might confuse him with an earlier Common Core contributor nicknamed ‘Barking Mad’”). Panel moderator Adams commented ”Each of these individuals brings a unique perspective to the table that should resonate with modern youth frustrated and disheartened by the asinine flailing of academia in this important developmental area.”

One result of the prestigious group’s kick-off meeting is the most logical example of the Common Core math approach seen to date.

Problem: What is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything?

Solution: If 6 were 9 and you add 25 or 6 to 4, multiply by .44 and then divide by 18, what would be the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything?

Answer: 42

In an interview, the Secretary of Education said: “The outcome of President Obama’s historic initiative is nothing short of spectacular. These innovations will be put in place immediately at all public elementary schools.”

Reporter: “But didn’t Douglas Adams pull that answer out of his ass? I’ve read his books, you know . . .”

Secretary: “STFU! President Obama is brilliant. Give him a medal. No . . . a Nobel prize! Make that two, they’re cheap these days.”

Reporter (to himself) “Wow, he can count to two . . .”

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